We all have that one friend. The one who LOVED being pregnant, every second of it. Let me start by saying I am NOT that person. *(Cue gasps of judgment and shame).* I’m totally OK with admitting that pregnancy is not fun for me. At least not the first few months. But there seems to be an expectation in our society that pregnant women should be glowing, happy people with nothing to report but stories of rainbows and butterflies. When people ask how you’re feeling, they generally aren’t prepared for any response other than “never felt better!!!” Ugh.
Let me tell you how I’m feeling: Terrible. Miserable. The only time I’ve ever felt worse is with an intense stomach flu, but at least that only lasted for a day or two, not a month or two. I can’t count the number of times I’ve laid in bed wishing I could somehow crawl outside my own body for just a moment of relief, as I swear to my husband over and over “I’m never doing this again.”
I feel the pressure to be happy and amazed at the miracle happening inside my body, but my reality is that I feel like I’m on the brink of death. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I feel like I need to vomit, ALL DAY EVERY DAY.
I’m not looking for pity. I’m sharing my story because I know there are tons of expectant mamas out there who feel the same way, but so many feel like it’s unacceptable to share. I’m telling you, it’s NOT. It’s OK to admit that you’re struggling. It’s OK to admit that you feel awful and you’re not enjoying it one bit. Because no matter what others may think, it doesn't make you less of a mom. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, or that you’re ungrateful. Pregnancy can be really freaking hard, and it’s OK to be real about your experience. The more we are open and honest about our struggles, the less other mamas will feel the pressure to carry on the facade that everything is perfect. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have real than perfect.
My advice: find “your person.” Mine is my sister. She lets me cry to her as much as I need to. She doesn’t try to force me to look on the bright side, or downplay the situation, she just listens and understands because she’s BEEN THERE. She knows how much it sucks to be sick for months at a time and how much it wears on you. Just having someone who is willing to listen and acknowledge the situation can help so much. So find your person, and if you don’t have one I’d be more than happy to listen.
We have to be here for one another. Being a mom is both the most wonderful and most difficult job we’ll ever have. Let’s not only celebrate the good parts, but help each other through the tough parts. Every pregnancy journey is different, and I think it’s safe to say every one of us knows deep down that it’s all worth it. I know the joy my son has brought into my life and I know that a few months of feeling terrible is a small price to pay for such an incredible gift. But that doesn’t mean I have to pretend to love the process, and you don’t need to either.
So please share, what was your pregnancy experience like?
