My Journey with Postpartum Depression

100% honest, this is not something I like to talk about.

No one likes to talk about depression.

Did you know that 1 in 5 women will suffer from a postpartum mood disorder? That's a HUGE number. And I'm a part of that number.

Sadly there's a stigma associated with depression, anxiety and other mood disorders. Honestly it's very hard to understand it unless you've been through it. Depression isn't just feeling sad like many people believe. Anxiety isn't just being stressed out or worried like many people believe.

Depression and anxiety have been a part of my life forever. When I was younger I suffered from panic attacks, and I remember someone asking "well what are you panicking about??" But that's the thing...I didn't know what was causing it!! It doesn't work like that. I was on medication to help with the depression and panic attacks. I still struggled off and on, but through occasional counseling paired with lifestyle changes, I was able to manage it. I experienced firsthand how exercise truly is the best antidepressant. Taking care of my body through working out, eating right, reading, focusing on my mindset, and surrounding myself with the right kind of people made a world of difference.

But this pregnancy and postpartum period proved to be more than I could handle on my own. I talked to my midwife while I was pregnant, and she suggested a low dose antidepressant. I REALLY didn't want to take medication, so I insisted on trying counseling first. I went two times, then I quit. That's the thing about depression, even though it feels so incredibly lonely, reaching out is the the most difficult thing. I know I'm starting to get depressed when I stop wanting to talk to anyone. I completely pull away. I was very, very depressed during the first and third trimesters of this pregnancy. The things I love no longer brought me joy. I only wanted to be alone. There were times I was barely even functioning. I should've taken the help. I should've been honest with my midwife. I should've kept going to counseling.

Things got better after the babe was born, and everything was great for a few weeks. I felt amazing!! But then it started happening again. The feelings of hopelessness, the emptiness, the irritablility, the feeling that I was completely alone. The endless "what ifs" that come along with anxiety and are enough to drive you crazy. I felt like I was always mad, sad, or scared. Those are the only things I could feel. I finally realized that I HAD to get help. If not for me, then for the sake of my family. I needed to get better for them.

Talking to the therapist about this stuff was SO.HARD. No one wants to admit they're depressed. No one wants to admit that they have two beautiful blessings at home and still can't seem to feel happy. No one wants to talk about the intrusive thoughts that come along with anxiety...because that stuff can legit make you feel like you've lost your mind. But to my relief, she told me that SO many women experience these same things, and that I was describing the classic signs of postpartum depression, anxiety, and OCD. (I didn't even know postpartum OCD was a thing).

Between my therapist and midwife we came up with a plan to help me through this time. I'm not back to feeling like myself yet, but it's getting better.

I don't like to talk about this because I don't want people to view me differently. I don't want people to see me as weak, or negative, or crazy, or whatever...(I know, I shouldn't care). But I'm talking about it because I want other moms to know that it's ok. It's ok to admit you're struggling and it's OK to ask for help (please ask for help!!). Having been on both sides of it, I wish I would've asked for help sooner. My family needs me to be ok, and yours needs you to be ok. Taking care of ourselves is part of taking care of our families. The best thing you can give them is a happy, healthy you. 

Read More

Apple Cinnamon Baked Oatmeal

Ingredients:

2 cups old fashioned oats

1 cup chopped pecans

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup diced apples (about 1 medium apple)

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce

1/2 cup milk (any kind)

2 eggs

¼ cup pure maple syrup

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

¼ cup olive oil

Directions:

1. Position rack in center of oven and preheat to 350°F. Lightly grease (or spray with nonstick cooking spray) an 8- by 8-inch glass baking dish.
2. In a large bowl, combine oats, pecans, cinnamon, ground ginger, and salt. Mix in diced apples, applesauce, milk, eggs, maple syrup, and vanilla. Stir in olive oil until all ingredients are well combined.
3. Spread mixture into prepared baking dish and bake for 30 minutes or until set and light golden brown on top. Allow to cool in the baking dish for at least 5 minutes before slicing. Serve warm with milk drizzled over the top.

Read More

Broccoli and Quinoa Salad with Roasted Tempeh and Peanut Sauce

Ingredients:
1/2 cup quinoa
1 tsp olive oil
1 red bell pepper, seeded and diced
1 16 oz bag of frozen broccoli, steamed
2 tbsp peanut butter
1 tbsp lime juice
1 tbsp water
1 tsp soy sauce
1/2 tsp coconut sugar (or brown sugar)
1/2 tsp ginger
salt and pepper to taste
8 oz roasted tempeh (see recipe below)
2 tbsp chopped roasted peanuts

Directions:
- Cook the quinoa according to package directions. While the quinoa is cooking, heat the olive oil in a medium skillet over medium-high heat. Add the red pepper and cook for about 3 minutes, until softened. Transfer the red pepper and broccoli to a large bowl.
- Whisk the peanut butter, lime juice, water, soy sauce, sugar, and ginger in a small bowl. When the quinoa is done, transfer it to the bowl with the veggies and toss everything with the peanut sauce. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve topped with peanuts, sliced avocado and roasted tempeh.

Roasted Tempeh
Ingredients:
3 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon maple syrup
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 clove garlic, minced
A pinch or two of freshly ground pepper
1 8 oz package tempeh, cut into slices

Directions:
- Whisk together all ingredients except the tempeh. Pour mixture over tempeh and allow to marinate for 15-20 minutes.
- Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Bake the tempeh for about 15-20 minutes.


{Recipe adapted from ohmyveggies.com}

Read More

The Best Christmas Gift Ever!

You know what makes an awesome Christmas gift?

The gift of health!

Two years ago I spent money I received as a Christmas gift on a fitness program I’d wanted for MONTHS. I just couldn’t bring myself to spend the money before, but once I had some Christmas cash I couldn’t wait to get that order in!

I had no idea how much that one decision would change my life.

The program was T25, and my husband and I started it together that January. We had a rare opportunity to take a trip to San Diego that spring, and I was DETERMINED to feel confident in a bathing suit for the first time in my life.

T25 was hard, like really freaking hard. I had to modify almost every move in the beginning. But we both fell in love with it, so much that we took the DVDs and a small DVD player to San Diego with us so we didn’t fall behind in the program!! (This was before I knew about Beachbody on Demand, which allows me to take my workouts anywhere I have an internet connection :) ). I was hooked and this was only beginning of a lifelong journey!!

I went from being uncomfortable in my own skin, lacking confidence, and feeling like I was just stuck with this post-baby body type, to seeing my body change in ways I never knew possible. My confidence skyrocketed, my anxiety and depression were finally under control, I was feeling stronger, healthier and HAPPIER than ever.

Halfway through my program I was so in love with how I was feeling that I decided to become a coach. No one asked me to do it, I was just so inspired I knew I HAD to pay it forward!! I believe 100% in everything we stand for: losing weight and getting healthy the RIGHT way, through daily exercise, eating a nutrient-dense diet and maintaining a positive mindset.  

Are you ready for a change?? Ready to let go of insecurity and unhealthy habits, and start living the life you KNOW is possible?? Then let’s talk and get you set up to start your own journey of health and happiness!! I’ll help you find the right fitness program for you (that you can do from home in just 30 minutes per day), get you set up with a simple, straightforward nutrition plan, and add you to my online accountability group where you’ll find support and encouragement from other ladies on a similar journey!!

January will be here before we know it, and I’m gearing up for a HUGE start to 2017...let’s work together and make this your BEST year ever!! Fill out this application to learn more and get started!

Read More

Why It's OK To Not Enjoy Being Pregnant

We all have that one friend. The one who LOVED being pregnant, every second of it. Let me start by saying I am NOT that person. *(Cue gasps of judgment and shame).* I’m totally OK with admitting that pregnancy is not fun for me. At least not the first few months. But there seems to be an expectation in our society that pregnant women should be glowing, happy people with nothing to report but stories of rainbows and butterflies. When people ask how you’re feeling, they generally aren’t prepared for any response other than “never felt better!!!” Ugh.

Let me tell you how I’m feeling: Terrible. Miserable. The only time I’ve ever felt worse is with an intense stomach flu, but at least that only lasted for a day or two, not a month or two. I can’t count the number of times I’ve laid in bed wishing I could somehow crawl outside my own body for just a moment of relief, as I swear to my husband over and over “I’m never doing this again.”

I feel the pressure to be happy and amazed at the miracle happening inside my body, but my reality is that I feel like I’m on the brink of death. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I feel like I need to vomit, ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

I’m not looking for pity. I’m sharing my story because I know there are tons of expectant mamas out there who feel the same way, but so many feel like it’s unacceptable to share. I’m telling you, it’s NOT. It’s OK to admit that you’re struggling. It’s OK to admit that you feel awful and you’re not enjoying it one bit. Because no matter what others may think, it doesn't make you less of a mom. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, or that you’re ungrateful. Pregnancy can be really freaking hard, and it’s OK to be real about your experience. The more we are open and honest about our struggles, the less other mamas will feel the pressure to carry on the facade that everything is perfect. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have real than perfect.

My advice: find “your person.” Mine is my sister. She lets me cry to her as much as I need to. She doesn’t try to force me to look on the bright side, or downplay the situation, she just listens and understands because she’s BEEN THERE. She knows how much it sucks to be sick for months at a time and how much it wears on you. Just having someone who is willing to listen and acknowledge the situation can help so much. So find your person, and if you don’t have one I’d be more than happy to listen.

We have to be here for one another. Being a mom is both the most wonderful and most difficult job we’ll ever have. Let’s not only celebrate the good parts, but help each other through the tough parts. Every pregnancy journey is different, and I think it’s safe to say every one of us knows deep down that it’s all worth it. I know the joy my son has brought into my life and I know that a few months of feeling terrible is a small price to pay for such an incredible gift. But that doesn’t mean I have to pretend to love the process, and you don’t need to either.

So please share, what was your pregnancy experience like?

Read More

How I Deal with Anxiety Disorder

I was preparing to lead my yoga group next week and it really hit me. This is why I love yoga. This is why I think self-care is so important.

I have anxiety. Not just a little here and there, but Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I don't like to talk about it, because people think it's weird. They think it means I'm weak, or crazy, or just lack self-control. If you've never experienced this kind of anxiety, you wouldn't get it because it doesn't make sense.

But if you have, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You know what it's like to have a constant feeling that something bad is going to happen. Like you're so worried you're physically ill, but you honestly don't even know what you're worried about. It will consume your life if you let it. 

Thankfully, I've learned how to control my anxiety. I've learned that keeping myself healthy, body, mind and soul, will keep all that worry away. But when I start to slip I can feel it, and I've been feeling it. So it's time to start getting back to myself, my healthy self.

These are the things I've found help me the most: I eat for nutrition. I eat to nourish my body. The better I eat, the better I feel, and when I start to slack I notice it emotionally. I exercise. I've found yoga to be the absolute BEST way for me to relax and become centered. But whether it's yoga, or an intense cardio or weight routine, I find time to work fitness into my life. It keeps me balanced and is amazing for stress relief. And I read. Every day I read something that speaks to me, something that keeps me in the right mindset and helps fight off whatever negative thoughts I might have. Reading is truly a lifesaver for me when it comes to anxiety.

I know so many of you mommies have a hard time taking care of yourselves because you're so busy taking care of everyone else. But self-care is NOT selfish, it's necessary. After all, our littles deserve to have us at our best. Whatever you need to do to take care of your body, mind and soul, please, take a minute and do it. When we strive to become better, everything around us becomes better too. 💜💜💜

Read More

Healthy Banana Lactation Muffins

INGREDIENTS

• 1/3 cup melted coconut oil or extra-virgin olive oil
• 1/3  cup pure maple syrup or honey 
• 2 eggs, preferably at room temperature
• 1 cup packed mashed ripe bananas (about 3 bananas)
• 1/4 cup milk of choice (I used almond milk)
• 2 tbsp ground flax seed
• 2 tbsp brewer's yeast (optional, but great for milk supply)
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 2 cups oat flour (blend oats in blender of food processor)

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease a 12 cup muffin tin with butter or non-stick cooking spray.
2. In a large bowl, beat the coconut oil and maple syrup or honey together with a whisk. Add eggs and beat well. Mix in the mashed bananas and milk, followed by the baking soda, flax seed, brewer's yeast, vanilla extract, salt and cinnamon.
3. Add the oat flour to the bowl and mix with a large spoon, just until combined. If you’d like to add any additional mix-ins, like nuts, chocolate or dried fruit, fold them in now.
4. Divide the batter evenly between the 12 muffin cups, filling each cup about two-thirds full. Bake muffins for 23 to 25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into a muffin comes out clean.
5. Place the muffin tin on a cooling rack to cool. Enjoy muffins as is or with a spread of nut butter or regular butter.

*Recipe adapted from cookieandkate.com

Read More